Your Onanism

 

So I get an email from this guy Rodel Needham. (Please see picture.) I don’t know who he is. His email address is kiliplacadab1985yahoo.com. Cool.

He proceeds to tell me that my device has been infected with his “Badware.” What? Malware? I guess that’s what he was going for.

Then there’s this gobbledygook about going through his message to the incontrovertible after-effects. Not too sure what this means even now. More gobbledygook about my domestic hobby, and some kind of vague threat that I will need my valuable time.

Now we get to the heart of the matter. He has recored my onanism using my camera. Okay. Who uses the word onanism, other than David Foster Wallace, who’s dead? So he recorded me jerking off? What camera did he use? My Instax? My Minolta? My Polaroid? The webcam on my computer? I would have noticed the green light.

He says he has blackmail material, exciting blackmail material. See his file below. Nope. Didn’t open the file.

I blocked this clown.

That was the end of that.

And so what if he shows my parents a video of me jerking off? I’m pretty

sure that ten or 20 years ago I accidentally sent a porno clip to my father called Asian Bra Busters. He never said anything about it. I’m sure that’s how we would deal with any other unpleasant material going forward.

Fuck you Rodel!